HoëRskool Elspark (Germiston)

Elspark, Germiston. Germiston. The name alone sounds like someone sneezed while trying to say "Johannesburg" and just gave up halfway. Your school is sitting in a city that exists purely so that people can say they live near Joburg without actually living in Joburg. Very bold. Very aspirational. Very "we also have a mall." Now, 1861 learners and 82 teachers. Bra, that is 22.7 kids per teacher. Your educator is not teaching a class, they are managing a taxi rank. At some point that poor oom at the front gave up calling names and just started pointing. You in the blue shirt. You with the takkies. The one sleeping, wake up, this is not your house. With nearly 1900 kids on one campus, the tuck shop queue alone is a public health concern. And then the matric pass rate. 84.4%. Look, we are not going to pretend that is bad, because it is not bad. But it is also not the number you frame and put above the fireplace. It is the number you mention quietly at a braai when someone asks and then you quickly change the subject to rugby. "Ja, 84 percent, anyway did you see the Springboks on Saturday." You know how it is. Overall verdict: Elspark is basically a small town pretending to be a school, the pass rate could use some load shedding so certain subjects can power down, but somehow 84 percent of kids walked out with a certificate so respect where it is due.